There's also some class divisions at work here. I don't think a girl from a working class home would have played the tiniest violin. University women, from university families, are intimidated by working class men. The women don't understand plumbing, construction or much else done with hands and tools. Peter Weir made a very good film about this called The Plumber. Worth watching. I saw it with several housemates, men and women while in college and they all identified with the woman and her concerns. The plumber was to be feared, then hated and finally put down by law enforcement. Just a thought.
Some women might understand plumbing, construction, and auto mechanics, but most of us don't want to do those gross and difficult jobs, nor do we have the physical strength for it.
Most working class women would much rather be married to a man who is willing and able to work in construction, a factory, or as a mechanic (etc) than to do those jobs themselves - if they even have the physical ability to do those jobs.
But professional class women tend to sneer at blue collar men and at their wives, who if they're lucky, can stay home and care for their children thanks to the work these men do.
This is commentary is why I subscribe. Thank you. Everyone needs to have affirmation. To demand “equality” at the expense of another creates an environment that will only make those on the losing end resentful. The examples are too numerous to list, but the easy example is DEI. “Let’s put DEI on the fast track for new job opportunities!” Next thing you know, calling someone a “DEI hire” is a gross pejorative. Gee, never saw that coming. /s
I think a big obstacle to taking men's sufferng seriously is that many men find it emasculating to be viewed as vulnerable.
When my husband worries about my safety, I feel loved and protected.
But when I worry about my husband's safety, he gets irritated and thinks I don't respect him (which is wildly untrue - I just know I have no interest in living without him, so I tend to care about his physical wellbeing).
Men need to be encouraged to express their suffering and vulnerability, not ridiculed for it.
That woman who made light of the suicide of Richard Bilkszto is depraved. Hers was a vicious sociopathic response to a horrible tragedy and she is harming all of humanity (including the female half) by her cruelty.
Thank You for writing about this extremely serious issue.
But according to DEI/CRT ideology men are the 'oppressors' and are therefore 'privilged' and always wrong, so men are scorned, ridiculed and smeared.
But I disagree on a couple points.
"Yes, women tend to make less than men for the same work, have less access to education than boys"
Actually there are more women undergraduates in universities than men, boys have more trouble in school and there is no evidence that currently women make less money for doing the same job as men.
David, thank you. This is a really difficult and uncomfortable issue. It’s so sad that the problems have grown to this massive scale and yet men are continually demonized by many women and media portrails. So sad.
Should the paragraph about Richard V Reeves read "this is not about prioritizing men over boys" (as it does) or should it have read, "this is not about prioritizing men over women"?
Powerful post.
I really did weep over it (in a manly manner).
I cannot say how many times I have been talking with other men and one has warned another to avoid a certain area because it is dangerous. Or we will tell each other to be careful out there (or keep your head on a swivel) if we are headed into potentially hazardous situations. We are not without fear. We have a word for men who think they have nothing to fear - foolish.
That men commit suicide when they feel "hopeless, worthless, and useless" rings true. It drives the urge to suicide especially among retired men and young men. Those young men's self-esteem was boosted in childhood with assurances that their value lay in being who they were rather than in accomplishments or relationships or any touchstone in the real world - then suffered insinuations that they are toxic for being who they are. And at the other end of the age spectrum, the retired man has invested his sense of selfworth and usefulness in his career, family, perhaps membership in civic organizations - and suddenly he finds himself unwanted and useless everywhere, underfoot and unappreciated at home, and wondering what is the point in hanging around.
Yes, "men over women." Thank you. The retirement issue is a serious one too, and one that we as a society have mostly left men to figure out for themselves, as with so many other things. I think the key is finding new purpose, even if that's in activities that one might normally consider "just a hobby." In India, they divide the lifespan of a man into three parts. In the first, one learns and makes money. In the second, one marries and builds a family. In the third, one devotes himself to the spiritual path. Perhaps this is where the retired should focus their efforts. Even atheists can learn things such as how to still the mind with Zen meditation or how to navigate one's own emotions with CBT.
This may be the most important thing you’ve written so far, David. I really worry about one of my grandsons. He’s not yet 20, struggling, and I don’t know what to do. We communicate regularly but I still worry. He seems lost and alone.
Thank you. I'm sorry to hear about your grandson. The late teenage years are a turbulent time for young men. It's difficult to offer substantive advice without knowing what he's going through, and of course I'm no therapist, but I think communicating regularly is huge. It lets him know he has a trusted friend and that you're present and engaged. I suppose you could try talking to him about it, but if he's not interested in talking then I would personally rather keep the channel of communication open and stress-free so that at least in some aspect of his life, he has someone to touch base with without judgment or nagging questions. I've had relationships like this and it's a difficult balance to strike. That said, if you suspect the problem is dire, you may want to talk to an expert in this area and see what they advise. I hope that's helpful.
There's also some class divisions at work here. I don't think a girl from a working class home would have played the tiniest violin. University women, from university families, are intimidated by working class men. The women don't understand plumbing, construction or much else done with hands and tools. Peter Weir made a very good film about this called The Plumber. Worth watching. I saw it with several housemates, men and women while in college and they all identified with the woman and her concerns. The plumber was to be feared, then hated and finally put down by law enforcement. Just a thought.
I completely agree that this is a class issue.
Some women might understand plumbing, construction, and auto mechanics, but most of us don't want to do those gross and difficult jobs, nor do we have the physical strength for it.
Most working class women would much rather be married to a man who is willing and able to work in construction, a factory, or as a mechanic (etc) than to do those jobs themselves - if they even have the physical ability to do those jobs.
But professional class women tend to sneer at blue collar men and at their wives, who if they're lucky, can stay home and care for their children thanks to the work these men do.
This is commentary is why I subscribe. Thank you. Everyone needs to have affirmation. To demand “equality” at the expense of another creates an environment that will only make those on the losing end resentful. The examples are too numerous to list, but the easy example is DEI. “Let’s put DEI on the fast track for new job opportunities!” Next thing you know, calling someone a “DEI hire” is a gross pejorative. Gee, never saw that coming. /s
I think a big obstacle to taking men's sufferng seriously is that many men find it emasculating to be viewed as vulnerable.
When my husband worries about my safety, I feel loved and protected.
But when I worry about my husband's safety, he gets irritated and thinks I don't respect him (which is wildly untrue - I just know I have no interest in living without him, so I tend to care about his physical wellbeing).
Men need to be encouraged to express their suffering and vulnerability, not ridiculed for it.
That woman who made light of the suicide of Richard Bilkszto is depraved. Hers was a vicious sociopathic response to a horrible tragedy and she is harming all of humanity (including the female half) by her cruelty.
Thank You for writing about this extremely serious issue.
Good commentary and needed.
Boys and men need help too.
But according to DEI/CRT ideology men are the 'oppressors' and are therefore 'privilged' and always wrong, so men are scorned, ridiculed and smeared.
But I disagree on a couple points.
"Yes, women tend to make less than men for the same work, have less access to education than boys"
Actually there are more women undergraduates in universities than men, boys have more trouble in school and there is no evidence that currently women make less money for doing the same job as men.
David, thank you. This is a really difficult and uncomfortable issue. It’s so sad that the problems have grown to this massive scale and yet men are continually demonized by many women and media portrails. So sad.
Should the paragraph about Richard V Reeves read "this is not about prioritizing men over boys" (as it does) or should it have read, "this is not about prioritizing men over women"?
Powerful post.
I really did weep over it (in a manly manner).
I cannot say how many times I have been talking with other men and one has warned another to avoid a certain area because it is dangerous. Or we will tell each other to be careful out there (or keep your head on a swivel) if we are headed into potentially hazardous situations. We are not without fear. We have a word for men who think they have nothing to fear - foolish.
That men commit suicide when they feel "hopeless, worthless, and useless" rings true. It drives the urge to suicide especially among retired men and young men. Those young men's self-esteem was boosted in childhood with assurances that their value lay in being who they were rather than in accomplishments or relationships or any touchstone in the real world - then suffered insinuations that they are toxic for being who they are. And at the other end of the age spectrum, the retired man has invested his sense of selfworth and usefulness in his career, family, perhaps membership in civic organizations - and suddenly he finds himself unwanted and useless everywhere, underfoot and unappreciated at home, and wondering what is the point in hanging around.
Yes, "men over women." Thank you. The retirement issue is a serious one too, and one that we as a society have mostly left men to figure out for themselves, as with so many other things. I think the key is finding new purpose, even if that's in activities that one might normally consider "just a hobby." In India, they divide the lifespan of a man into three parts. In the first, one learns and makes money. In the second, one marries and builds a family. In the third, one devotes himself to the spiritual path. Perhaps this is where the retired should focus their efforts. Even atheists can learn things such as how to still the mind with Zen meditation or how to navigate one's own emotions with CBT.
This may be the most important thing you’ve written so far, David. I really worry about one of my grandsons. He’s not yet 20, struggling, and I don’t know what to do. We communicate regularly but I still worry. He seems lost and alone.
Thank you. I'm sorry to hear about your grandson. The late teenage years are a turbulent time for young men. It's difficult to offer substantive advice without knowing what he's going through, and of course I'm no therapist, but I think communicating regularly is huge. It lets him know he has a trusted friend and that you're present and engaged. I suppose you could try talking to him about it, but if he's not interested in talking then I would personally rather keep the channel of communication open and stress-free so that at least in some aspect of his life, he has someone to touch base with without judgment or nagging questions. I've had relationships like this and it's a difficult balance to strike. That said, if you suspect the problem is dire, you may want to talk to an expert in this area and see what they advise. I hope that's helpful.
Yes, I appreciate your kind response. He needs to know that he is loved, and not just by his parents.
Thank you